NEWS

Special Forces Assault FEMA Houston Office, Slaughter Gun-Grabbing Agents

United States Special Forces on Saturday assailed the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s 17,000-square-foot Houston office as managing supervisors and field agents huddled in a boardroom and plotted to unleash their armed Gestapo on Houstonians whose lives and livelihoods had just been wrecked by a destructive storm system’s hurricane force winds and biblical flooding, a source in General Smith’s office told Real Raw News.

Thursday’s severe weather battered communities across southeast Texas, toppling trees like dominos and leaving nearly a million residents without power amid an approaching heatwave. The hardest hit cities—Cyprus, Baytown, and Spring Branch—opened public cooling centers, distributed food and water, and helped triage the walking wounded, essentially integrating FEMA’s responsibilities into their demanding agendas.

Whereas local officials strove to ease public hysteria, the federal fanatics hoped to excite the chaos by terrorizing and plundering the citizenry, our source said.

On Saturday morning, as cleanup began and CenterPoint Energy repaired transformers and replaced lines that had fallen under the weight of knocked-down trees, a federal 5th Columnist told Gen. Smith that FEMA ne’er-do-wells had scheduled an unofficial meeting at a peculiar time of day at the agency’s recently leased office in northwest Houston.

“It wasn’t a random tipster. It’s a guy who has given us good intel before, but we’re still leery of traps because the feds could’ve figured out he was a double agent and forced him to feed us bad intel. But Gen. Smith knows FEMA’s modus operandi and its history of authoritarian cruelty—we’ve been skirmishing with them all spring since the storms started breaking out. The general figured if the intel was valid, we’d grab or get rid of several leadership positions,” our source said.

Gen. Smith, he added, asked allies at U.S. Army Special Operations Command to investigate the claim and respond to it using their best judgment.

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Special Forces first considered arriving early to ambush FEMA in the parking lot. But they ditched that idea because it was unlikely all participants would arrive simultaneously. They ruled out a full-frontal assault—FEMA occupied the uppermost floor (8th) and could post sentries at lower-level stairwells and elevators to warn attendees of intruders.

“They didn’t want a protracted running firefight on the way upstairs, and the 5th columnist said the building had plenty of security cameras, too,” our source said. “They chose a helicopter insertion on the rooftop, which has an access point to the inside.”

At 1:30 a.m., pilots from the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment, code name Night Stalkers, flying a Blackhawk modified for stealth, deposited Special Forces on the roof of the 616 FM 1960 office building in Houston. After securing the roof and placing snipers on overwatch to headshot any FEMA that happened to flee the building, the team breached the access door and descended the stairs to the 8th story, meeting no resistance en route and carefully sidestepping a few security cameras.

They flanked a door to a boardroom wherein numerous voices jovially proposed grabbing guns from damaged dwellings and encouraging storm refugees to stay current on their vaccinations.

Special Forces kicked down the door and hurled flashbangs into the room, then charged in with weapons trained on the heads and torsos of the nine FEMA workers who had suddenly fallen to their knees and covered their ears with their hands.

The soldiers opened fire at once, killing three of the nine. The remaining six held their hands above their heads, with one shouting, “We’re unarmed.” Two rounds hit him center mass and he dropped dead.

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“You should’ve armed yourselves, then,” the Special Forces lieutenant said. “Which of you is the leader here?”

“You just killed him,” a surviving FEMA agent said.

“Who alive has the highest authority?” the lieutenant rephrased.

“Well, I do, and you’ll never get away with this,” one stammered nervously.

Special Forces gunned down all but the leader, whom they subdued before exfiltrating to the rooftop.

The survivor, our source said, was brought to a White Hat safehouse for interrogation and fervently defended and promoted his political beliefs and the need to “remove” guns from damaged households. He invoked volatile rhetoric, saying that people owning firearms to protect their homes no longer needed weapons because the storm had leveled their houses.

In closing, we asked our source why White Hats had acted like Red Hats—slaughtering instead of arresting the group.

“These were good shoots,” was all he said.

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