NEWS

Marines Follow FEMA to Iowa Following Deadly Tornado Outbreak

An indefatigable Marine platoon that has spent the spring skirmishing with predatory FEMA agents raced to Iowa last night after a killer tornado tore through the town of Greenfield, obliterating homes and hurling cars hundreds of feet in the air. The twister destroyed much of Greenfield, population 2,000, before sliding east to Illinois and Wisconsin.

“You’ve heard of storm chasers. Well, we have FEMA chasers because where the storms go, FEMA follows,” a source in General Eric M. Smith’s office told Real Raw News. “And they, FEMA, are relentless—we kick them out of one disaster area or kill them, and a few days later, a fresh bunch is at it again. FEMA has an almost admirable tenacity.”

White Hats, he added, have had considerable success cracking FEMA’s encrypted tactical radio frequencies, which has allowed them to track the fed’s movements and, in some cases, beat them to their destination or intercept them en route. According to our source, White Hats have engaged FEMA eight times since early April, excluding Saturday’s Special Forces raid on a FEMA office in Houston.

“We’ve had enough dealing with them to figure out their tactics,” our source said.

Once FEMA confirms that storm damage has occurred, it dispatches a preliminary damage assessment team to the location, whose job should be limited to evaluating destruction and providing provisions to those most seriously affected by natural disasters. Afterward, FEMA mobilizes disaster recovery teams, which can include thousands of employees and mobile command centers and hospitals.

This spring, the smaller damage assessment teams—typically 25-50 field agents—have misused FEMA’s resources in storm-struck communities. Instead of providing essential supplies like food and bandages, they have carried guns and vaccines, causing further distress to the affected communities.

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“We’re aware of a couple in Oklahoma that lost their home. At a FEMA relief station, they were told to sit through a 30-minute video on the importance of staying current on boosters before FEMA would give them bottled water. We’re doing everything in our power to stop this,” our source said.

The Marines’ latest encounter with FEMA occurred around midnight on Highway 25 just north of Greenfield. When a Marine Humvee pulled alongside a FEMA-marked SUV with government plates, the passenger brandished a sidearm, the dangerous end pointed at the Marines, and threw up a middle finger. The Humvee swerved into the SUV, running it off the road. The Marines dismounted and peppered the car with bullets, front and rear windshields exploding and rounds punching through the four occupants.

A short distance ahead, a second and third Humvee rammed a white Chevy Tahoe off the road with FEMA decals on the doors. Crumpled, it rolled on its side. The Marines let loose a barrage of bullets, ventilating the Tahoe as well as the driver and passengers.

“Eight enemy kills, 16 rifles, and ammo confiscated. Why did each of them have two rifles? Who knows. This is what we’re dealing with out there. And this was a small FEMA patrol,” our source said. “We are anticipating heavier resistance soon.”

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