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Chicago Gangs Kill Time Playing Catan While Waiting For Drive-By Shooting Hours To Start At 9 P.M.

In an effort to comply with a city leader’s request that no gang shootings take place until after 9 P.M., local gangs met up to kill a few hours by playing some Settlers of Catan. “Gotta do something to pass the time,” said Jaron Myers, a local gangster. “They don’t want us to shoot anyone until late at night anyway, so we figured we could bust out some Catan. I’m all about killin’ some fools, but at least I can monopolize the brick trade on my way to victory in the meantime, know what I’m sayin’?”

Chicago alderwoman Maria Hadden made headlines over the weekend by requesting all shootings be limited to the hours between 9 P.M. and 9 A.M. to reduce the potential of innocent bystanders being caught up in the violence. “It would really help us out,” Hadden said. “If they could just, you know, play some games or something until most people have gone home for the night, THEN do your murdering, that would be great.”

Though the game of Catan got heated at times, the gang members agreed to hold off on any hostilities until after the prescribed time. “You know you’ve got some payback comin’ your way if you try to take my Longest Road card, homey,” Myers warned his opponents.

At publishing time, shots rang out soon after 9 P.M. as one disgruntled player sought revenge on another player for stubbornly demanding three sheep in return for one grain.

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